As the Program Director of The Empowerment Center and a school social worker, I have the honor and privilege of working with a fair amount of families on a daily basis. The work speaks to me every day. It speaks to me about what families need and it speaks to me about where the gaps are. One thing that consistently comes up is the need for families to stop and be present.

I know it’s overused and seems like a cliché. But after 13 years in the field, I can tell you it is the honest truth: The families within our wonderful community are so goal oriented, committed to hard work, and dedicated to seeing their children succeed. These are all amazing attributes. However, they are the same attributes that can cause us to become so busy that we sometimes lose connection and contact with the very people we love. Looking for advice to change that? Here’s some that’s guaranteed to take you in the right direction.

1.   Practice presence and noticing.

What does this mean? For those families with school-age children, the focus has been majorly about school.

“How will my child continue to learn?”

“What will their grades look like?”

“I don’t feel equipped to teach my kids.”

Now, I understand these questions and sentiments. They are valid, important, and quite honestly some of the same ones I have experienced myself. I would encourage you to not allow that to consume you. I’m not going to tell you to “let it go” — I know our families too well to know that is not going to happen.

So instead, practice having conversations with your kids and family members that include questions like these:

“How are you doing today?”

“How does that make you feel?”

“I noticed you’ve been a little quiet today, everything OK?”

It doesn’t really matter what their answers are. The questions in and of themselves will let your significant others and children know that you SEE them. What is happening on the inside is just as important as what is happening on the outside.

2.   Shut down catastrophic thinking.

I use a technique called “Cognitive Behavior Therapy” with many of my clients. One of the central components of this is an idea called “Thought Stopping.” It is essentially the ability to recognize and STOP yourself from having catastrophic thoughts.

“This is going to kill us all.”

“I know I’m going to get it.”

“So many people are going to die before they find a cure.”

You may feel this way, but thinking this way and solidifying these thoughts in your children is only going to worsen the situation. Instead try these:

“We will come through this together.”

“I know this is tough but so are we!”

“We still have each other.”

“We will focus on the things we can control.”

3.     Promote a Growth Mindset.

For decades Dr. Carol Dweck has researched what she calls a “fixed mindset”. In simplest terms, it is believing that you are good and capable at some things and not at others. During this time together have conversations and identify the specific skills and strategies that you notice your children exhibiting.

For example, “Wow! I am so impressed by the level of courage it took for you to accomplish that!” or “Whew, you really studied hard and focused to do so well on that last game/activity!”

This specific feedback can help your child replicate their success because they know what skills they used to get there.