Dear Parents, in the wake of school closures and challenging times, here’s some surprising things your child actually misses about their day-to-day school routines.

1. Boundaries.

Most schools have clear rules and expectations (boundaries). The rules and the consequences for breaking those rules are typically identifiable and predictable. Elementary aged students, whether they know it or not, take great comfort in knowing where the line is and why they shouldn’t cross it, even if they fight against them. Developmentally, kids need this in order to feel safe, secure and comfortable, which sets the ideal stage for learning and calm behaviors.

At home, if you’re like most of us parents, boundaries can be muddled, the bar changes based on our mood, and we are notoriously bad at following through with consequences (the first time). We nag, we warn, we threaten and then we react. Which typically leaves us with a frustrated and angry child.

2. Discipline.

I’m not talking about the type of “discipline” that leaves a child crying in a corner. That’s something else all together and a different conversation. I’m talking about discipline- as in INSTRUCTION. There’s lots of instruction that happens in a school setting, outside of academics.There’s the instruction that lends to character and the instruction that corrects a misstep by teaching skills instead of being punitive and punishing. Kids don’t always enjoy instruction but it makes them feel cared for.

Sometimes, at home, we forget to instruct our children in the way they should go. It’s normal! We’re with them often, their missteps become personal affronts and assaults to us and we are much quicker to lose our patience. We can be quick to consequence and slow to ask if we have first taught and instructed.

3. Attention from multiple adults.

Sometimes it’s easy to forget just how many adults our children come in contact with in one day. Their homeroom teacher, playground aides, librarian, classroom aides, AP’s, Counselor, Principal, and Custodian! Whether it’s a quick hello, or prolonged contact, children have a seemingly endless bucket of attention needs and walking across a school campus can be just the interaction they need to fill it. Not to mention, they get to share the same exciting news over and over again and no one gets bored with it because they haven’t heard it 20 times already.

At home: Well, unless you live with 8–10 engaged, non-working adults in your home, then the contrast here is obvious.

4. The Lunchroom.

Yes, the lunchroom. Now, I’m not talking about the actual food, although depending on the day, some kiddos can get pretty excited about that too. I’m talking about the actual process and experience of eating with their friends. It’s really something to behold. They are eager to compare foods, trade foods and they begin to exchange stories about life and the pursuit of happiness in a way that is very similar to adults. They don’t know they’re having a transformative process in the lunchroom, but they are!

At home many families do not eat together. It’s a great thing to do but there’s no judgment if you don’t. The thing here is that we eat on the go, we eat in our rooms, kids eat without their parents, and we’re rushing to the next activity. We can very easily miss the communal experience of eating together and all that develops.

5. Structure and Routine.

Of all the things listed here, your child probably misses this one the most and they don’t even know it. At school, depending on the day, they know exactly where they will be, what subject they will be learning and what is expected of them in that area. Even if it’s activities they don’t like, knowing WHAT their day will actually look like decreases unnecessary stress and worry. It frees their mind to focus on the things that matter.

At home: Are you constantly hearing your child say, “I’m bored”? Sometimes that’s code for “I don’t know what’s next or how long is this activity going to last?” Sometimes (not all the time) this is a cry for structure and routine. I’m not telling you to plan every second in your child’s day- what I am saying is that even if you give loose structure, with options for them to choose specific activities at certain times, it will increase their feeling of knowing what’s next and save you some conversations! 😊.

This post is written by Teresse Lewis, LCSW and Program Director of The Empowerment Center. To learn more about The Empowerment Center, click here.