We’ve seen all the memes and facebook posts about families, marriages and children falling apart because of life’s new “normal.” I am someone who is very appreciative of a good joke, humor does me well during tough times. But all joking aside, there is a foundation of truth to what we see going around on social media. The stress of being “together” ALL day long for some, is not going over well. Things that were once maybe a minor nuisance are now full grown stressors and strains on the relationships with the people we call “family”. We are not accustomed to problem solving, being vulnerable and openly communicating, which are all things we have now been pushed into doing. However, we must become accustom to these things if we want to prevent further breakdown. Here are 5 things you can start with today.

1. Let go of grudges. Grudge holding is probably one of the easiest ways to feed a relationship breakdown and it is certainly easy to do. We hold grudges mostly when we feel we have been wronged by someone and that wrong has not been fully understood by the other person or people. We withhold affection and communication because we want to hurt the other person. How do you let go of it? Express it when you’re not angry. Seek the other person’s perspective and ultimately make a decision to release it from your heart.

2. Face adversities with your partner. Have you ever heard the saying two is better than one? It truly is. During this time of quarantine, we have become a little more selfish and self-centered. We have become hyper-focused on how things are impacting us and understandably so. Try your best to face the adversities life is bringing with your partner and embrace their struggles as your own. The sense of partnership will take you a long way!

3. Discuss and deal with problems head-on. Communication is absolutely your best ally right now. Now, you might be thinking, “I am discussing my problems head-on.” I would also ask you to consider how you are discussing your problems. Try your best to go into a problem-solving conversation or situation without an accusatory or angry tone. You can only do this if you have done the first point: let go of grudges.

4. Speak what’s in your heart. Being vulnerable is absolutely the most courageous thing you can do. It’s easy to be angry and say “I’m pissed!” It’s very difficult to say “I’m hurt,” and “I feel scared.” Are you the “strong one” in your relationship? We have a tendency to not express our true, most vulnerable emotions because it fights against our image. You may be fighting with your partner because you aren’t bringing your true and authentic self to the table. If you’re with a safe person, they will respond well to your vulnerability with love and support. If they are not safe…see point five.

5. Learn to stand up for yourself. Sometimes fighting is not simply reflective of being together too long or temporary irritants. Some of you out there are in unsafe and abusive relationships. If you find yourself unable to express appropriate criticism to your partner without them lashing out…If everything is your fault…If arguments are ending in name calling, put downs, threats of physical violence…Then it is time to seek professional help through a therapist, community organization or even your local PD depending on your safety. Seek out what you need. Your safety and well-being are worth it!